Things are slowly starting to emerge from the weird, static state of confused emotion... well, at least a little.
There are always those times when I wonder how I got here. Wonder if I could have done something different, or been better somehow.
What if...
what if...
what if.
Eventually I will close the door on the "What If..." chapter.

But, for now, it seems like my mind is constantly flooded with thoughts of those "good times." The times when we just existed peacefully together.

Isn't it weird that my memories of "The Good Times" are not memories of super-happy-occasions. Not of birthdays, or gifts. Not of laughter and giggles.
My "most happy thoughts" are those times when peace and calmness actually existed.

Perhaps it's because I am literally craving peace in my life. The peace to be in my own space with my son. A world that's only existence is for us.

And so I sit.
And I remember peaceful times that we shared.