Laid Back...

I have an older lady with whom I am very dear friends with, and the other day she said to me, "Loralea, you just aren't the same lovely, free spirit that you used to be."
Ummmm, hello? Damn straight I'm not.
I remember those days (I refer to them now as P.D. - Pre Divorce). The ones where I didn't constantly have 5 million worries all jumbled in my head at any given moment. But, life has so many more responsibilities for me now... I'm constantly on my feet, trying to think ahead and plan every given moment in order to be prepared for those little "hiccups" life likes to throw.
About two weeks ago I got the flu. And I mean it was the full blown, knock you on your butt F-L-U. I was so weak and so unable to participate in life that I had to send my sweet 3-year-old son to stay with my parents for 6 days. And all I kept thinking over and over in my head was... "What do single moms do when they get the flu and they don't live near family or friends to help them out?"
Seriously.
What do they do?
You can't control being sick. And there was literally no way I could have cared for my son during that time.
See, these are the things that constantly bombard my every day thoughts.
Thinking and trying to stay one-step-ahead of life can become an exhausting job.
I remember when people used to describe me as "laid back" and "easygoing." Ha! How I wish those two words weren't such a foreign language to me now.
And I can't help but wonder.... does it ever get any easier?